MAE.

Babies.

Of course, I love them; often joke about having 20 of them, but lately have been a little more serious about them —

This is not a “surprise — we’re trying to have a baby!” post to all my friends — ew. awkward. makes me want to throw up a little.

This is more of an acknowledgement that more of my friends are talkin’ babies, logistics, timing, etc. I have honestly wanted to post about this for awhile, but was afraid that it was a bit too much for people or myself, definitely myself.

True confession: I went to a new gynecologist in September, and told her I wanted to be pregnant in a year (…guess I’ll tell Sundeep when I get home…). Researched her prior to going, had references/her bio … I mean c’mon, this lady is going to see a LOT of my shit, she better be good.

Sundeep and I have talked about expanding our family, both wanting a larger family, and not wanting to wait until we were in our mid-30s to start. Not that I have huge reservations about starting in my 30’s, but we are both are great places, are financially stable, want a larger family —- why not start sooner than later?

ANYWAYS, I went to Dr. Tan. This super adorable middle-aged woman — who I am now officially obsessed with. She has delivered two of my friends babies, was the best GYN I had ever seen, and…. is married to an Indian guy and said “..hybrid babies have the best genes…” Which basically made my ovaries explode.

ANYWAYS. This is what the baby doc appointment entailed:

1. She tested me for cystic fibrosis. Had no idea this was even a concern, but said she generally always tests Caucasian females — if I was positive she would test my husband. Once I said my husband isn’t Caucasian (insert — “my husband is Indian too!”) I learned our chances of producing a baby who was positive was almost next to negative;  Asian people —- don’t have to worry about CF, whew.

2. She tested me for CMV (cytomegalovirus). Working in the hospital, and all of its disgusting bugs she wanted to make sure I didn’t have it. Results: I have been exposed to CMV, but am now immune to it, meaning been exposed — immune system attacked it — done. and done. future fetus will not get it, because my body has proved it can fight it.

3. She said for a woman with a regular cycle (28-35 days) have sex every other day from day 10-22. Not every day because it becomes shitty, tired sperm; every other day tends to be a “fresher batch.” <barf> 

4. She gave me 25 different types of prenatal vitamins; prenatal vitamins are HUGE in size and make me nauseous.

5. Told me to avoid more than 8 oz of caffeine/day in preparation of pregnancy. There is a correlation between caffeine and miscarriage.

6. Avoid fish high in mercury (swordfish, shark, mackerel and sushi).

7. Start pilates. She swears woman who do pilates have easier childbirths. AMEN. Spread the word — pilates strengthens your core = strong abdominal muscles for pushing. She also said woman who do pilates tend to rebound back to their normal bodies sooner.

Now. Of course I came with questions.

1. If I get pregnant — when should I call you?

Dr. Tan wants you to come in for a blood hcg (hcg is a hormone secreted when the embryo burrows in the uterine lining) AFTER I take a home ++ pregnancy test.

2. When would I come back after the blood test?

If I did not have IVF or fertility treatment (aka normal, old fashioned pregnancy) come in 9 weeks after ++ hcg test for the first ultrasound (aka is there a heartbeat?)

3. How long should we try before I come to you for further assistance?

6 months — kind of gasped. 6 months! That’s only 6 periods. I have heard variations of the “when to escalate” protocol. Generally, 1 year. Although, at 6 months without a successful positive pregnancy test, she does a sperm count test (—cum in a cup! haaaaaaaaeyyyyy) and a tube check (insert a catheter into the vag — shoot dye into the fallopian tubes — does the dye flush through the tubes to the ovary? —> are their blockages? is it a clear path?)

This really was my focus question, of course, typical ..planning life’s next steps is my forte. I have amazing girlfriends, who have had the unfortunate curses of lady problems and conceiving woes — 6 months, a year … more than a year goes by no babes. I find conception insane, how does this really happen anyways?

I recently had the unfortunate/fortunate pleasure of attending a second, pregnancy ultrasound with my great friend, Katie. Katie is 31, has had insane problems getting pregnant — has really bad eggs (WHO F* KNEW! all those years of great sex in college + post-college, marriage …and you had really bad EGGS all THE FUCKING LONG, no one told you!). Anyways, after almost 10 IVF (LITERALLY, taking sperm and putting them in eggs = embryo) implantations — none of them GAVE. This past summer she found out she was pregnant. The second ultrasound appointment her husband had to take a rain-check due to a mandatory meeting with the mayor (legit), so she asked me to go with her. (AMAZING — did she know I secretly loved her baby-tales and watched every Baby Story in college?) We went into the office, she undressed (we’re nurses so being naked in front of anything/anyone is absolutely not a big deal), got up into the stirrups, Dr. Tan (that’s right…my new BFFAE) waved the ultrasound around in her vagina — trying to get a picture of the embryo’s heart beating nice and fast —- and after what felt like 3 hours of silence, there was no heartbeat. The embryo, massive amount of cells, their final hopes — had “collapsed into her lining,” resulting in no heartbeat, no baby, nada. I still can’t imagine what she was going through, and I don’t mean to be selfish, but I wanted to cry (and did..) for days over how traumatic it was. Just the way Dr. Tan told her “it ceased to grow,” she needed to decide whether she wanted a D&C or misoprostol (abortion/miscarriage pill — you take it, it induces pseudo-contractions and you expel the embryo). Anyways, LONG, long traumatic story later, I feel like getting pregnant is a lot of work — and while I have understood the toll of sex for almost 10 years, I never really comprehended the emotional toll of pregnancy — and what getting there may entail.

Is anyone ever really ready for how easy or hard getting pregnant is? I don’t think I am. I feel like it’s an emotional roller coaster — and I want to be 800% ready for whatever it brings me, which prompted my appointment and q&a with Dr. Tan.

NOW. this post was OOOBER TMI and makes me a little squirmish reading through. Nonetheless, one day baby Malladi will make their way into the world and I’m looking forward to the journey he/she gives us.

Whew.